Effective strategies for Martial Conflict resolution.

Step 1. Knowing, accepting, and adapting to differences is required for conflict resolution.

One of the old myth in marriage is that opposites attract and this has been a great source of conflict because that same thing which attracted you would soon become the edgy that causes conflict except a conscious effort is made to understand the difference in your personalities and align to the differing personality traits. Typically, when a task-oriented person marries a people-oriented person, that spouse has a yardstick of measurement that the other partner cannot measure up to because they are made differently and worst still these expectation is not known to the partner.

It’s odd, yet it is part of the reason your marriage is experiencing conflict. Your partner brought diversity, spice, and distinction to your life that it did not previously have.

However, after a period (sometimes a short time) of marriage, the attractions become repellents. You may disagree about minor annoyances, such as how to correctly squeeze a container of toothpaste, or fundamental philosophical disagreements in managing money or raising children. You could discover that your histories and personalities are so unlike that you question how and why God brought you together in the first place.

It is critical to comprehend these distinctions before accepting and adapting to them. We were no different. Perhaps the most difficult adjustment we had to make early in our marriage was due to our different backgrounds.

Hence that attraction that brought you together becomes a major source of conflict and frustration, however if this conflict is manage well the same reasons becomes a source for your growth when aligned together because you begin to influence each other positively such that your traits begins to alternate. That is why you see couples who have intentional worked on their marriage appear as siblings.

The knowledge of your personality and that of your spouse. It saved our marriage in certain respects in the beginning.

Step Two: fight selfishness in order to resolve conflict.

All of our differences are amplified in marriage because they feed what is undeniably the root of our conflict: our selfish nature. Truth is that human are selfish in nature and this is not fault of your but your brain function to protect you from perceived danger. If you master yourself, you would learn how to quite and train yourself to be selfless at all time.

Two individuals who start a marriage together and try to go their own selfish, separate ways will never be able to enjoy the oneness of marriage. Marriage offers a tremendous opportunity to do something about selfishness. Instead of wanting to be served, we must serve. You must love your spouse as much as you love yourselves.

Step Three: Pursuing the other person is necessary for resolving conflict.

Pursuing peace is what it means to live in peace. Many couples find it difficult to say such words. It entails taking the initiative to resolve a tough issue rather than waiting for the other party to do it.

To seek a dispute settlement, you must lay aside your personal hurt, anger, and resentment. It entails not losing your HEART. My task to you is to “remain current in your connections.”

Step Four: To resolve conflict, loving confrontation is required.

“He who has a good friend needs no mirror,” Wordsworth observed. Blessed is the marriage in which both partners believe the other is a good friend who will listen, understand, and work through any issue or dispute. To accomplish this properly, you must engage in loving confrontation.

It takes knowledge, patience, and humility to confront your partner with grace and tact. Here are a few more pointers we’ve found useful:

• Examine your motive. Will your remarks be beneficial or detrimental? Will bringing it up result in healing, completeness, and unity, or in greater isolation?
• Examine your attitude. “I care about you,” says a loving conflict. I respect you and expect you to respect me in return. I’d want to know how you feel.” Don’t get on your bulldozer and run over your husband. Approach your partner with affection.
• Examine the situation. This covers things like timing, location, and setting. Don’t approach your husband while he’s exhausted from a long day’s work or in the middle of mediating a child-child dispute. Also, never publicly criticize, mock, or quarrel with your spouse.
• Examine the situation to determine if there are any other pressures present. Be aware of where your partner is coming from. What is the current situation in your spouse’s life?
• Pay attention to your partner. Seek to comprehend his or her point of view, and ask clarifying questions.
• Make sure you’re prepared to take it as well as dish it. You may begin to offer your husband “kind counsel,” only to discover that what you are saying is not actually his problem, but yours!
• During the discussion, focus on one topic at a time. Don’t bring up more than one. Don’t store up a slew of grievances to hurl at your spouse all at once.
• · Concentrate on the problem rather than the person. For example, you may require a budget if your spouse is a spendthrift. Work through your financial objectives and make the absence of a budget your enemy, not your husband.
• Concentrate on behavior rather than person. This is another case of the “you” message vs the “I” message. You may assassinate your spouse’s reputation by sending “you” messages such, “You’re always late—you don’t care about me at all; you don’t care about anybody but yourself.” The “I” message would read, “I’m annoyed when you don’t notify me that you’ll be late.” I would be grateful if you could call so we could make alternative arrangements.”
• Pay attention to the facts rather than assessing motivations. If your husband forgets to make an essential phone call, deal with the repercussions of what you both have to do next rather than saying, “You’re such a jerk; you just do stuff to anger me.”

Above all, prioritize knowing your partner over who is winning or losing. When your spouse confronts you, pay close attention to what is said and what is not stated. For example, it’s possible that he’s unhappy about something that happened at work, and you’re bearing the brunt of the stress.

Step Five: Forgiveness is required for conflict resolution.

It is impossible for two individuals to love and please each other no matter how hard they try. Hurt comes with failure. And the only final remedy for pain is forgiveness’s healing balm.

The secret to keeping an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to promptly ask for and grant forgiveness. And the power to do so is linked to each person’s connection with God.

Forgiving entails letting go of animosity and the urge to retaliate. You let the other person off the hook through force of will.

Step Six: Resolving disagreement entails returning a blessing in exchange for an insult.

Every marriage is based on the “Insult for Insult” or “Blessing for Insult” connection. Husbands and wives can become quite good at swapping insults about the way he looks, the way she cooks, or the way he drives and she cleans the house. Many couples don’t appear to know how to relate to one other in any other manner.

To first offer a blessing implies to step aside or simply refuse to retaliate if your partner becomes upset. Changing your natural propensity to lash out, fight back, or scold your partner is like changing the course of the river path.

Sometimes all it takes is a few words said gently and sweetly, or a touch, a hug, or a pat on the back. It might entail going out of your way to satisfy your spouse by doing an act of kindness.

Finally, being a blessing entails actively listening, seeking and pursuing peace. When you enthusiastically seek forgiveness, you are desiring oneness rather than solitude.