How can your past ruin or build your marriage?

As a child I remember clearly how I was taught, raised and disciplined. Hmmm…my childhood was delicious, sweet, sour and a ting of bitterness.

Yes! I had my share of childhood memories I still relish and some I wish never happened.

I would not particularly say it was shouting and cane free. And I would say that my parents, particularly my “dad”, did the best they could with what they knew about child raising because in his opinion he was raising a responsible child.

My Dad can be likened to the lion of the tribe of Judah but he was still a sweet Dad. Over time all my experiences have moulded the person I am today.

Did my past ruin or build my marriage?

I would say build not because I was free of errors but because I outgrew the negatives through knowledge acquisition.

And Yes!

Our past is very strong and has the potential to ruin or build your marriage. Getting over a painful past is important to the health of your marriage.

Has your spouse rejected you? Neglected you? Hurt you?

Are you struggling to get over the pain of an affair?

If your marriage is going through a crisis, then chances are that you need to put that hurt behind you.

Can I ever get past the pain of my past?

This is a very common question I get in my coaching practice, “coach,I want to make my marriage work. But how do I get over the past?”

Here’s the key.

• Realize first what you truly want to achieve and what it means to get over your past and achieve it.
• Accept what happened because you cannot go back to relive the past but you can always move on.
• Become very clear about what you can and cannot change. The good news though is that you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you need to change is the MEANING of the past as it would eventually make sense later on.

In Fact, your future determines your past and not vice versa. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past. You always have free choice.

Ultimately, it’s the COMBINATION of our thought and the meaning attached to it that determines the outcome. 

You get to respond to the events of your life. And it’s your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.

So how do you get over the past? You don’t have to get over the past as the past is over already! What is important, however, becomes the MEANING you give to the past NOW and the MEANING of your past is shown by your future actions. 

Marriage sometimes goes through different events and stages that leave the couple in the marriage with pain. In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves and their marriage. The good news is that irrespective of the depth of the pain, healing is possible and many people I know began this process WITHOUT their spouse but eventually heal their spouse too.

If you make the right moves and attach the positive narrative, you will come to view certain sad events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED marriage. This is exactly how you “get over” the past.

If you manage your hurts well then it becomes part of your healing. 

I can’t make the past go away, but surely I can help you give it a new meaning and you will be “over it.” 

I know you’re hurting but if you permit me, I would show you how to rebuild your marriage and show you how your hurts can heal, call Chinenye on 08171964889 to book a free 30 minutes consultation.