HOW TO DEAL WITH FRUSTRATION
Frustration arises when something is blocking us from our desires or goals. This can be as simple as feeling frustrated when your spouse feels you have no reason be be angry after an offence.
It could be on a larger scale, like the frustration of recognising your that your physical, mental and emotional life is threatened.
Like most emotions, frustration will come in waves. It will feel powerful and strong for some time, and it will eventually recede and wash away. Learning how to ride out those waves is a skill you can develop, whether the frustration lasts for minutes or much longer.
Frustration could arise from a variety of unmet needs: understanding, equity, stability, and ease just to name a few. Taking the first steps of recognizing the emotion and linking it to any needs that you have at the moment will grant you some relief.
The Root Cause of Frustration is Overwhelm
Feeling overwhelmed is a more intense indicator that important needs are going unmet, or that some needs are going chronically unmet. You may recognize this feeling when you notice yourself becoming short-tempered and impatient, irritable and even angry enough that you could scream.
Feeling overwhelmed can also shift your thoughts and focus on everything wrong or lacking in your life. This overwhelm can manifest in your body as a headache, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, or lack of energy. All of these symptoms and experiences again come from unmet needs. Any lack of appreciation, communication, security, trust, or autonomy could lead to a feeling of overwhelm.
It’s no surprise that people frequently feel overwhelmed so often, especially if one’s spouse is involved. One person alone cannot meet needs which are based on connection; you must get support from a professional or support group in order to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
I invite you to remember this key component of all emotions: they are messengers. You cannot force emotions to go away. When you ignore, avoid, or attempt to fix emotions they will come back bigger and stronger until you receive the message.
As a marriage coach, the first step I share with my clients to overcome guilt, dealing with frustration, or climbing out of overwhelm is to acknowledge the feeling. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and often painful to tune into these emotions. Allowing the emotions is also the healthiest and most efficient way to move through them to a new experience.
Once we allow ourselves to feel these emotions, and we recognize that we have unmet needs underneath them, what do we do next? We do the necessary and difficult work of self-reflection and taking action.