How to unlock epic ways to pursue peace using seven easy strategies in marriage conflict.
I share these not because I know it all or because my marriage is perfect, but because just like you, we are deliberately working on our marriage to attain serenity each passing moment. Here are seven Habits, I have found healthy for Conflict Resolution in Marriage since my intentional journey:
1. Man Understand yourself.
I know the word man now excite you. When I say man here, I refer to mankind not the male gender. You man as a male or a female how do you handle conflict? Do you react violently? Clap your hands? Do you want to punish your spouse? Do you carry resentment in your heart? What does the significance of those rings above say to you? What is your question of purpose in marriage?
Knowing your inclinations and dispositions toward conflict resolution is essential for resolving conflicts in a healthy manner. When you are attentive of oneself, you may be more alert and proactive in avoiding a disagreement from growing, resulting in further trouble and worry.
Personally, I have discovered that when I’m furious about anything, I tend to raise my voice. Growing up, this appeared natural and it was simple for me to continue in that pattern as an adult.
However, because I am conscious of this now then I am adapting healthy behavior, I am much more aware of when I am engaging in it and am focusing on communicating more freely.
Examine previous arguments and honestly examine how you handled them. Discuss this with your partner and decide what you can do together to replace any harmful behaviors. Allow each other to gently point out harmful responses when you notice them.
2. Give the benefit of the doubt at all times.
Always be optimistic and “believe the best.” Actually, in any relationship, giving the benefit of the doubt and not rushing to conclusions is sound advice and helps to diffuse the tension of conflict. Quick conclusions an assumptions has destroyed a lot of homes.
When someone is doubtful of what you are saying, you can tell. How do you feel about that? When they are confronted with disbelief, most individuals get defensive, nervous, or even furious. Especially when they believe they are being unfairly evaluated.
It should be our practice to wait until we know all of the information before making a decision regarding a problem. Trying to resolve a disagreement with someone who has already decided and made up their mind about what they will believe is extremely exhausting and ineffective.
If you want a successful marriage then you need to make up your mind to always see the best in your spouse and give fair hearing a chance always. Make it a rule to be open and affirm each other. Whenever a dispute arises, see it as a growth phase in your marriage and train yourself to trust and hope rather than question and judgment.
3. Differentiate between what can be disregarded and what must be handled.
Small disputes in a marriage might arise as a result of different personalities, views, and goals. The way the husband sees things may differ from the way the wife sees the same things. What is significant to her is not significant to him.
I don’t know about you, but there are a few things that my spouse does from time to time that irritate me. And I am sure I can say the same for myself!
A colleagues’ wife once told me that it used to irritate her that her husband would litter the room with his dirty clothes rather than put them in the laundry basket, as she had requested. Upon assessment, it was discovered that her husband strongest love personality was act of service and with guidance of coaching she made a choice to see it as a chance to serve him rather than a reason to complain.
In the same way, you can choose to keep the peace by choosing to ignore little annoyances and slights. Choosing to perceive these situations as opportunities to love and serve can help us build grateful habits rather than irritable dispositions. Note, this is not in any way an indulgency to get so comfortable in your area of personality that needs improvement and believe your spouse should fill in for that. Make effort to work on those areas.
Consider the most common sources of conflict in your family. How many of them are worth a fight? How many of them can be converted into opportunities for patience and forbearance?
4. Learn to look at the larger picture.
Arguments, conflict, and tension do not occur in a vacuum. There is always a broader picture to consider. Surface manifestations of irritation and rage are frequently the result of external stresses or underlying issues.
Placing a disagreement into its wider context fosters greater understanding and empathy. It also leads to greater long-term resolution since you get to the source of the problem and can make more effective improvements.
In our marriage, we’ve spent a long year figuring out how to view the broader picture. We’ve been through a lengthy season of sorrow, severe personal challenges, and the long weeks of pregnancy, followed by fourth trimester fatigue.
Prolonged weariness, work stress, worry, bereavement, and a lack of intimacy in marriage can all lead to disputes.
Make it a habit to take a step back and look at the broad picture in your life and the life of your spouse. Remember that you come from different background, raised by different people and experienced different things in life which have all shaped the person you have become and becoming. Cut each other some leeway when necessary, and realise that in any relationship, there will be times when one or both of you is not in the right frame of mind as a result of various factors, so focus on the bigger picture which is ” Why did you get married in the first place”? If your question of purpose of marriage is not strong enough then maybe it is time to re-write it if you want a successful marriage
5. Concentrate on a single topic.
This practice is simple: when addressing a disagreement with your spouse, avoid the want to bring up violently all other issues that is not relevant to the issue at hand especially when it does not help in resolving the problem but escalates it.
Bringing up other topics will simply serve to divert your attention away from resolving the current disagreement. It might also make the offender feel overwhelmed or harassed needlessly.
Attempting to address several issues at once is like to having too many irons in the fire. Keep your eye on the goal, one issue per time as it arises. Attention and patience are stretched thin, and you risk losing the opportunity to resolve anything, much alone multiple difficulties at once.
6. Seek solutions as soon as possible.
Have you ever heard the phrase “do not let the sun go down on your wrath”? or that popular saying that “a stitch in time saves nine”, while that is also applicable to that marital conflict you are facing. Not only is it bad to linger on conflict and harbour sentiments of rage, irritation, or grief, but if not addressed it gets to a point where is becomes so difficult to manage and this is what leads to divorce and in some worst cases murder of a spouse by another or even death out of heartbreak and furstration.
Attempting to avoid or postpone conflict can lead to anger and animosity. Neither of them are paths you wish to go. Finding a solution is not always simple. It may be unpleasant and unsettling. However, it must be done and the sooner you do it, the better. When you have tried your best to resolve it on your on using all the resources available to you then it is advised you read books on marriage guide, seek professional help on time before things get out of hands and even if you think things are already out of hands and you want peace, then you can go for therapy and start from there.These are some of the solutions that the protocols of serenity by serenus consult provides for couple.
7. Forgive and give grace some more.
You know it is funny how married people behave. For me, I would say that after each episode of conflict resolution with my spouse, I feel so light and grown that I can hardly remember what the problem was after several hours, but I remember thinking how hilariously lucky I was right before sat down to write a piece on conflict in marriage, I look back and smile at my growth, to have had the knowledge and experience on the subject matter can only be intentionality.
You too can! It is the power of forgiveness. Learn to truly forgive your spouse before, during and after conflict resolution, this helps you not to pile up issues because this is what destroys marriages. When you never let go and keep calling back previous offences in the face of any slightest provocation. Do not beat yourself up if you are in this group, we where once all there but you can grow now that you know better.
Perhaps the most essential habit on this list is the practice of showing forgiveness and grace to one another. Then grace once again. And then even more grace because that is what we desire for ourselves, and it is what we should extend to one another.