My spouse is a cheat, will they ever repent?
A woman who just discovered that her husband cheated on her recently asked me a great question.
She said, “My husband cheated on me and has apologized over 100 times, and is committed to being a new man but I do not know if I can mend things with him or I should start fresh with someone new?”
I can understand her point of view.
Right now in her marriage, there’s so much pain, baggage, and a mountain of hurt to heal. The same is probably true in your marriage, whether the issue is infidelity or something else.
Is it possible to rebuild the broken trust? Can I ever heal from your ordeal? Or maybe it just starts over with someone else?
Most victims of infidelity (and other emotional hardships) believe that they’ll be safer in a relationship with someone who never cheated on them or hurt them. I completely understand this FEELING. However, the OPPOSITE might be true.
TRUTH is that for a remorseful spouse who has learned their lesson, they’re LESS vulnerable to make the same mistake as someone who has never erred in that way before.
Now let me ask you: at this point in this woman’s husband’s life, given all he’s been through and learned, what are the chances that he’ll screw up again? In my opinion, it’s dramatically less than 50% so long as there is true remorsefulness. In fact, I think it’s slim to none.
Let me clarify that I’m talking in this case about a man who truly transformed himself and succeeded to prove that he’s changed. I’m NOT talking about someone who continually makes empty promises.
In my experience, it is those spouses who have made serious mistakes, spouses who have had the harshest wake-up calls, who become the BEST spouses and are capable, more than anyone else, of forging the MOST fulfilling loving marriages.
Do you see the irony here?
The mistakes that ruin marriages are those that transform the sinners into spouses capable of the most outstanding marriage. The unfortunate thing for the victim is that they don’t know how to heal from the hurt that would enable them to reap the benefit of their ordeal.
So the roles become reversed. The spouse who erred stands ready to transform it; while the spouse who has been hurt who wanted to work on the marriage all along now becomes the cog in the wheel that inhibits true love.
In other words, the woman above has a choice. If she lets her husband go, he’ll most likely fall in love with another woman or she could forgive her husband and become that queen of his dreams!