New way exposed! Take The Bull By The Horns: Problem Is Not Marital Conflict

Consider conflict as an opportunity to bring into isolation the pressing issues that are affecting the harmony of your marriage. Becoming a teammate to handle the challenges as a team and work towards evolving as married people would do your marriage a lot of good and your home too. Do not hope for a marriage conflict resolution to happen on its own but you need to rise up together and face the source of conflict as a team such that you both come up with the best way out of the situation.

Facing the situation that caused the conflict and not dealing with each other. The problem is never the conflict but how it is handled. So always deal with any conflict situation, not your spouse. Time-wasting by either ignoring the conflict, pretending it is in the past without addressing it, or destroying each other is not advisable and autocorrect is not an option that is available if truly your desire to resolve conflict for growth as a couple.

If you have entered the bond of marriage recently and are yet to discover the disappointments after the honeymoon, you can prevent any possible future conflicts and the magnitude of damage by attaining clarity.

Even if you are not newly married, and you and your partner have been struggling with experiencing happiness and peace in your marriage and it is full of conflicts, now is the best time to address the problem and move towards an exciting journey of the marital bond.

Some Common Marriage Conflicts stem from very little misunderstanding. The causes of marital conflict are enormous, however, we have highlighted a few in this article. Some common causes of typical marital disputes you should never overlook are explained below. Do not ignore these red flags; endeavor to address them.

1. Expectations that are unrealistic or not met 

Expectations – both unfulfilled and sometimes unrealistic – can cause big disagreements in marriages. One spouse believes the other is a mind reader and has similar expectations. When things and events don’t go the way we expect them to, frustration creeps in and you lash out on your spouse but hey! this is not the problem because your expectation of your spouse was above their capability in the first place.

So no matter how angry you get, your spouse remains confused as to how to help you because they lack the ability.

What then should you do?

Apply discipline and consciousness to create expectations of your spouse according to what your spouse can achieve in the real sense in order to find a common ground. The solution is to set the real expectations that are within your spouse’s capacity and capability.

2. Differing viewpoints on the issue of children

Your Children are meant to be blessings to your household. At the same time, the same children who are viewed as an extension of their parents can be a source of significant marital problems.

One partner may feel they need to caution a child, while the other partner may feel it is not necessary.

Parenting is not without its difficulties, and truth is that both parents want the best for their kid, hence the need to collectively acquire the right knowledge and skill for right parenting would go a long way in resolving this particular marital problem

 

3. Inability to manage marriage finances

Unresolved financial issues in marriage may disrupt the foundation of even the most solid relationships. These include little arguments as what is your or mine, debt, financial personality, spending on the children, spending on extended family, earning capacity of each spouse, knowledge of spouse financial status, etc.

Money problems may ruin a marriage and lead directly to divorce! According to research, 22 percent of divorces are related to marital economics, following closely behind causes such as adultery and incompatibility.

Financial problems in marriage can be resolved in a number of ways like:

• Dealing with debt and setting family as while as couple’s rule about debt.
• Acquiring knowledge of your financial personality to guide against irresponsible spending.
• Check your ego and keep it in check always irrespective of your earning.
• Address family matters and decide as a couple how much and how frequent you would give to extended family members and set aside a budget for it within an agreed period such that if spent the next family member needing help would wait for the next budget.
• Decide collectively on your spending for your children.

If you suspect that you and your spouse have divergent financial objectives or that there are significant disparities in your spending patterns, the easiest way out is to have a budgeting notebook accessible and, as a general rule, don’t keep secrets! These two behaviors, like any good habits that are tough to establish but simple to keep, will provide long-term advantages in your marriage and help you resolve conflicts

 

4. Time allotted to marriage and personal pursuits

You have the same 24 hours as you did when you were single or unattached, but how do you devote time to yourself, work, personal interests, friends, family, and the most recent addition to your life – your spouse? And now that you’ve been spared the unwanted but helpful counsel of your friends and family – marriage is effort – you’re faced with the difficult chore of maintaining your marriage.

Did you mention you were exhausted?

Marriage comes with its own set of CRRs (Cardinal Responsibility Regions) hence you need to understand the part your play in fulfilling this responsibility. At little as this might sound, this is the sole problem of some marriages. Have you taken out time to understand the way your spouse wants to be loved?

If your spouse enjoys spending time with you and you are busy doing other things, that spouse would forever not feel loved. You must allocate time to grow your marriage.

Take responsibility for your part of home chores and other affairs. Create a formula together for spending exclusive time with your partner, notwithstanding the length.

Pay close attention to your spouse, give fascinating tales, and sustain intermittent, appropriately timed conversation throughout the day.

5. Incompatibility in sexual relationships

Misaligned sexual desires, in which you have a stronger desire to have sex more frequently than your less inclined spouse, can cause a division between you and your partner.

Work stress, home obligations, low body confidence, intimacy inhibitions, and a lack of honest sexual communication are just a few of the real, pressing concerns that contribute to marital conflict.

The simple solution to this is to honesty communicate your sexual fantasies to your spouse and spice things up in your sex life. Also, know that not all of your fantasies can be met by your spouse so you must be flexible because as the name implies, it is a fantasy. However, communicate them in the right way all thesame. Do not be that dull and boring couple because even sex can be boring in marriage if not spiced.

6. Communication breakdown

Do you ever find yourself speaking things you subsequently regret and wish you had avoided? And if you’re not the confrontational kind and like to let things alone, this boiling, simmering passive hostility will catch up with you like a nemesis. It will erupt in your face in the shape of an unpleasant fight with your spouse.

In either case, you are setting yourself up for a romantic tragedy.

Communication is the bedrock of any successful marriage, you must activate free-flowing communication in your marriage if you want it to succeed. Approach marital communication with a problem-solving mindset. Effective communication for couples can be learned, so you have no excuse.

No stonewalling, no shutting down!

Finally, it is critical to address the absolute non-negotiables. Determine your critical deal-breakers for marital pleasure.

7. Misaligned dynamics and unbalanced power dynamics in personalities

Each individual in marriage has a unique personality, even when you have the same personality which is rare, you cannot function to an exact degree. There must be a variation, hence the need to understand your personality as well as that of your spouse. Couples frequently have drastically mismatched dynamics, with one person being a dominating spouse and the other subservient partner in such an equation always cooperating as a caregiver to their spouse. This causes resentment to build up and an unfair, unhealthy power play, causing a marriage to fall apart.

There is an urgent need for marriage therapy in such a skewed spousal equation. A marital coach can help both parties put things into perspective.

The presence of a marriage expert in your life and marriage would help you through assessment would help put things into perspective for you as a couple.

 8. Loss of novelty

Problems originating from a ‘living apart but together’ scenario in marriage, incompatibility, perceived irreparable differences, and love lost between couples who drifted apart over time — these are the grounds for marital conflict.

However, you can make it work once again if the couple has a strong feeling of willingness and exerts an equal amount of effort to be together, the road to dispute resolution in marriage becomes a little simpler to navigate. You can bring back life to your marriage by simply recalling what brought you together in the first place and re-living them and/or seek the guidance of a marriage coach