THE SELF- NURTURE RULE FOR A SERENE MARRIAGE
Marriage can be a bit duanty and sometimes the challenges send people into a fight or flight mode. Both staying and learning together or taking some time apart to reflect on the issues or self-nurture will break the cycle of each person going into fight or flight in reaction to the other spouseís fight or flight.
It takes conscious practice to stop going into automatic behaviour, but the payoff is well worth the time it takes to practise loving action.
There are some examples of loving actions that can help cub the fight or flight response:
- Move into compassion for the other person, recognizing that he or she would not be in fight or flight without being in fear. Asking the other person, again from a deep desire to learn, what he or she is afraid of that is causing this behaviour may de-escalate the situation and lead to understanding and healing.
- If the other person is not open to calm discussion and exploration of the conflict, disengage from the interaction, speaking your truth without anger or blame. For example, you might say, ìI donít want to fight with you. I’m going to take a walk and let’s try to talk about it later. Or, This isn’t feeling good between us. Let’s take a break and get together later.
- If the other person has withdrawn from you, loving action may be to do something fun or nurturing for yourself.
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