July 12, 2021

Top 5 questions that would shock you about conflict in marriage?

These are some of the questions you should answer and I tell you, you might be shocked what you find. Below is an explanatory guide on how you can attempt to answer these questions:

What is my purpose for getting married?

This is a question of why in marriage. Why did you get married? Unfortunately, a lot of people in marriage never answered this question before getting into marriage only to be in a marriage with lots of regret and dissatisfaction leading to so many conflicts in that union.

Some people marry for financial gain or security
Some to find a friend
Some to prove a point
Some because the found a companion
Some to build a team
Some because their friends are all married and their biological clock is ticking
Some simply because it is the next thing to do, etc.

What is your purpose for marriage?

It is paramount to answer this question and also know the response of your partner-to-be before venturing into the institute of marriage.

This knowledge is one of the guiding lights to your decision as to whether to align the purpose, go into the marriage or even call off the marriage plans.

How do I like to make up after a disagreement?

This is speaking to your Languages of Apology. To build lasting relationships and intimacy in your marriage, you must learn to apologize and forgive. We each have our own favorite acceptable languages after a disagreement hence any apology not communicated in this language is usually not accepted as the apology feels incomplete or insincere. It is important to answer this question and know that of your spouse. What favorite way do you like to make up after an argument?

Are the type that likes to hear “I’m sorry” which is an expresses regret when you are hurt?
Are you the type that wants your spouse to accept responsibility for an offense by saying “I was wrong” or “I made a mistake” as a recognition of their own error?
Are you the type that loves to be appeased by hearing “What can I do to make it right?”
Are you the type that loves promises for future occurrences by hearing “I’ll try not to do that again”?
Are you the type that wants the situation and decision to forgive to be fully given to you by hearing “Will you please forgive me?”

None one way is better than the other nor is anyone a bad method. The key is in knowing what works for you and your spouse and communicating it to each other ahead of a conflict situation.

What message from my past is showing up in this conflict?

We are products of the school that engineered us. So what software from your past either upbringing, environment or experiences are you currently running that might be sabotaging your marriage? What picture or video from your past are you watching and possibly replaying in your marriage? Is this video serving you?

Fun enough most times this video may come from significant people in our life that we hold in high regard. It could be our parent, teachers, pastors, etc. such that their precepts appears perfect and infallible in our eyes but might not be serving our current status.

Note: Your husband is not your father neither is your wife your mother hence what works for A might not work for B. They are different people hence know your personality and that of your spouse.

What do I now understand about me that I didn’t know before this conflict?

It is exciting to know that conflict is not bad nor negative. Yes, you read right! Conflict in marriage opens your awareness to lots of possibilities about you.

What are you learning about yourself?
Are you emotionally healthy?
Are you able to conflict in a healthy way?
Are you able to conflict to gain the positive effect of conflict?
Are there issues from the past you are still struggling with?
Who am I in the face of conflict?
What does this conflict say about my esteem and the way I process messages from others. Etc.

How was conflict handled in the University of Life (family) I came from?