Why Imperfection is Your Best Option for marriage Happiness?

As I listened to the conversation held by some group of married couples a time ago, they made a statement I consider laughable. They implied that couples should avoid disagreement in their marriage, because the shared the believe that couple who love each other should not agree or conflict. This troubled my interest as I thought within myself “what are they really talking about?

 

They went on to explain that by worked together, couples could eliminate major conflict from their relationship. They said it was possible for a couple to live together without a disagreement. As I sat still in their midst, wondering what in the world they were talking about. How then can this couple grow in understanding of each other if the do not disagree or conflict?

 

In my years of coaching couples and from my 18 years of marriage experience, almost all couples, including my own marriage, confront several difficult difficulties in order to keep their relationship new and lively, and these challenges invariably entail fights, friction, and disagreements.

 

So the focus should not be as to whether the conflict but on how the manage the conflict to make it productive rather than painful.

 

Conflict is not always terrible. It may be damaging and cruel, but if handled maturely, it can also be a great way to build a relationship. The true measure of a strong and secure marriage is not whether you can avoid disagreement, but how you handle it and repair any damage that may arise. Conflict in a marriage is not only unavoidable, but it should also be avoided.

 

The fundamental issue with conflict in a marriage is not that we are at odds with one other, but rather how we approach resolving it. So, how might disagreement be dealt with in a more mature, relationship-enhancing manner? That should be your primary emphasis.

 

It may surprise you to find that avoiding confrontation is not the way to a successful marriage.

Here are three approaches to dispute that will enhance your marriage and deepen your emotional closeness with your mate.

Accept responsibility for the role you played in the conflict situation.

When disagreement arises, take a step back and consider how you may be contributing to the dispute. Our initial instinct is to point the finger at the other person. But, what are you doing that is impeding efforts to fix the problem?

 

For example, are you adamant about getting your way? Are you raising your voice, talking down to your spouse, or humiliating them in order to get an advantage in the argument?

 

If you’re not making progress, chances are you’re contributing to the unsuccessful efforts to fix the problem. Accept responsibility for what you’re doing, accept it, apologize, and work toward a solution. If both partners are willing, it can change the whole tone and direction of the conversation.

Set your opinions aside for the time being.

Almost every dead-end argument may be drastically resolved if one party is prepared to set their own worries aside momentarily and listen closely to their spouse’s problems.

 

For example, a couple is going back and forth over an issue, and the more they speak, the more irritated they both become since neither believes the other is correct. One spouse may respond, “Look, we’re not making any progress as long as we’re both attempting to persuade each other of our points of view.” I genuinely want to comprehend what you’re saying, so I’ll stop making my arguments and focus on what you’re saying.”

 

When an honest and sincere effort is made to attentively listen to and take your partner seriously, it has the potential to disarm the defensive often taken in marital conflict. The goal is for the other spouse to ultimately reciprocate the same attentiveness as their partner explains their perspective. This frequently opens up a fresh method of hearing and comprehending your mate’s underlying problems.

 

 

Strive for emotional stability.

Not the practical conclusion, but the emotional settlement, is the most essential aspect of dispute resolution. The emotional resolution is what allows the connection to progress, feel close, and safe.

 

For example, if a disagreement arises because one spouse fails to pay the bills on time, the surface resolve may be to never allow this happen again. However, there is an emotional component that must be handled as well. Perhaps, in order to reach the decision to never be late with bills again, one partner chastised the other for their carelessness or for harming their credit report.

 

There are sentiments of rage, resentment, and even dissatisfaction over how this logistical solution was reached. That implies more work is required to unearth and work through the sentiments in order to finally put the matter to rest. Using the technique gained in the second paragraph above is a wonderful method to do this (putting your views aside and listening carefully to the feelings of your spouse).

 

Conflict is seldom simple or enjoyable, but it may be utilized to enhance a marriage connection if addressed with a willingness to own your part, listen properly to your spouse, and work through any residual feelings. And if your first effort does not go well, you may always try again.

 

The objective is neither to avoid confrontation, nor is it to win the dispute. Conflict may enhance a relationship if it is addressed with humility and a determination to mend any damage that has been done. When viewed in this light, disagreement may be used to build strong and long-lasting relationships.